Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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