3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
