do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
