Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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