It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
