Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's Friday. Sex?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
