i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
