I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
