i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
