Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am naked and annoyed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
