there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
