I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
