I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
