girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
