an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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