I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
