Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
