I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
