i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
