Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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