I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
