I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm always down for nudity.
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