she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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