I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
