Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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