it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
