You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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