Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
