I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
