I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
