Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She told me I should be a condom model.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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