He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
