Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
