Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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