so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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