Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh god it's open bar.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
