I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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