also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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