i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Enjoy the penises
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
