oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
