Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
