Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is it penis luge time yet?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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