and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
