So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
