How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
