Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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