Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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