Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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