do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
