my mouth tastes like poor choices
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
