Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
